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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23450245">Don't overthink it</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisvioleteyes/pseuds/hisvioleteyes'>hisvioleteyes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Essek Week (Critical Role), Fade to Black, First Kiss, M/M, lots of staring, spell learning, wizards flirting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:15:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23450245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisvioleteyes/pseuds/hisvioleteyes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Study session for day 5-teaching!! this was sitting in my wips for a few days and essek week+etfc finally got me to finish it :B<br/>this goes way after the talks+traveler con, essek is still shadowhand and still full of guilt, he is teaching caleb and they get sidetracked</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Essek Week</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't overthink it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Shall we begin?” Caleb pulls a book off his harness and nearly slams it on the table, hungry eyes never leaving Essek. The drow’s chuckle escapes him before he’s able to catch himself.</p><p>“Eager as always, yes?”</p><p>“I thought you’d have noticed by now that I don’t take your teachings lightly, my friend.” There’s a warm tug inside Essek’s chest, though he can’t quite place it. He gives the other a pleased, slow nod and starts flipping through his hovering tome. A tiny smile crosses the human’s face as he opens his own book onto a blank section, his long trained fingers moving fast through the pages. Essek’s eyes most certainly do not wander. He doesn’t cherish the curve of his lips and light stubble, doesn’t think of those fingers tracing ever so meticulously over his own skin instead. His attention goes back down to his notes, no more distractions. The returning look out of the corner of his eyes was just his imagination.</p><p>“Ah, I may have found just the thing.” The book floats down, settling besides Caleb’s, with a calculated wave of the drow’s adorned and manicured hands. The human’s eyes are stuck to it immediately, brows furrowing slightly in concentration. Essek goes to sit on the table with a smug smile that falters momentarily as he catches that he was back to levitating during the search. He settles down soundlessly.<em> Old habits. </em></p><p>He starts contextualizing today’s spell, laying the base for the intricacies he shall get more into later, though he doubts Caleb won’t be able to follow and make his own assertions as they go. Doesn’t take long for the wizard’s questions to lead them exactly where they need to be and for him to start copying it into his own book. At one point, Essek settles on the chair besides Caleb’s as he points out specific sections of the dunamantic runes that might get skewed in translation. Not a word is lost in him and even Essek who hadn’t teached before to any capacity, can recognize how good a student Caleb is. He points out as much and the scarred hand stops writing for but a second. The drow swears he sees something akin to remembrance behind those sad blue eyes and he curses himself internally.</p><p>Essek feels lost, as if he knew too little except his analytical mind told him he knew just enough. He couldn’t overstep but the truth was that, if he could, he wouldn’t leave a page unturned in his Caleb Widogast. </p><p>He clears his throat and keeps talking, getting to a particularly counterintuitive aspect of the somatic components. Caleb latches onto those peculiarities, as Essek knew he would. The Shadowhand holds back a sigh of relief as he sees those blue eyes shining again. He thinks back to his own initial difficulties with the movements, his own late night studies seeming now so...empty. A newfound confidence gets to him as he starts the practical demonstrations.</p><p>The annotations are, generally speaking, “enough”. Just as only copying without extra explanation or a deeper discussion would be “enough”. It didn’t take long for Essek to feel the need to add in his own input and personal observations, however, if only to hear what that man with interests so similar to his own had to say. It became routine, their discussions over the ambiguity within material component requirements or even the most practical ways to replace the second hand’s movements in dire situations, when applicable. Caleb’s needs in battle often amused the Shadowhand, but they did also present the most stimulating puzzles for them to work through together. Even if the shut-in drow would seldom use that knowledge. It was...fun, almost.</p><p>He motions with his hands maybe a bit too enthusiastically because Caleb chuckles. Essek stops.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Ah, s-sorry, please go ahead!" Caleb reluctantly puts his hands up in preparation, nervous smile on his face, ready to follow along with Essek’s. "I just-...I have not seen you this excited in a bit.”</p><p>“...In a bit, huh?” Essek bites through each word as he thinks back to his confession at the Balleater weeks ago and wonders whether it had impacted him to a point of getting in the way of these prized teaching sessions and curses himself again. He may have taken too long on his meanderings as he notices Caleb’s smile has fallen. Essek sighs. “I hadn’t noticed.”</p><p>“You hadn’t noticed...”</p><p>“It’s hardly a feeling I can afford to miss on the regular.” The detached smile that fit his face too much for Caleb’s comfort was back. </p><p>The human swallows. “The... small pleasures in life often escape us.”</p><p>“Hm.” Essek haven’t been able to figure it out. Why he can’t break his gaze, why Caleb won’t break his. It lingers, and lingers. He most certainly won’t be the one to start.</p><p>He breathes out a genuine laugh, drow fangs in full display. “Yes, I may know what you mean.”</p><p>The human’s tongue flickers to his upper lip and Essek tries not to focus on it too much before Caleb breaks eye contact. </p><p>“So...”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>Caleb looks down at his hands and motions them forward.</p><p>“Right, go ahead.” </p><p>Caleb starts the process of referencing the notes and moving his hands in tandem, mindful of Essek’s earlier observations as his silver eyes carefully look out for any mishap that, of course, doesn’t come. <em> Brilliant</em>. Perfectly calculated, full, expressive movements. Both know they’d work perfectly for the purposes of the spell. Still, the drow sighs dramatically.</p><p>“Heavy, heavy hands.”</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>, my Empire training is showing.” He glares from behind his repeating movements and loose hair strands, but Essek swears he sees his lips curl up slightly. “Too rough for your Dunamantic standards?”</p><p>“Should the runes not crumble under the grip of your ruthless <em>gravitas </em>we should be fine.” </p><p>“Why don’t put your hands where your mouth is, Shadowhand?”</p><p>Essek arcs an eyebrow, chin up, stretching his fingers with a flourish. Caleb takes a break then, he rests his chin on his hand, elbow on the table, looking at the other’s demonstration with an amused expression. The drow’s ringed fingers move less than Caleb’s, thin chains making a soft metallic sound at every subtle push and pull, dark nails tracing straight lines on the air. It’s almost minimalistic in it’s elegant restraint. Both know it’d also work perfectly for the spell. The human leans in and squints.</p><p>“Let’s hope arcane tethers can catch that better than I could.”</p><p>“Ah, they can catch it just fine.” There’s another short movement and Essek’s book pushes Caleb’s elbow off the table and his squint breaks into a hearty laugh. It echoes through the study and Essek starts chuckling with him soon after. It’s warm, he finds, laughing with someone like that. He especially likes the human’s laugh, a lot. His shaking back settles back on the chair, when was the last time he felt this relaxed?</p><p>Not far enough back for someone like you, his mind helpfully adds.</p><p>Right. A bad taste reaches the back of his throat. Certainly it was with The Nein. Maybe even with<em> him</em>? He looks up just as he realizes the room fell silent again.</p><p>Caleb looks at him, laugh giving way to a worried expression. “Anything the matter?”</p><p>Looking into his blue eyes, he mourns for the loss of that lovely laugh for a second. How many times had he made them look like that, like this empty husk of his was deserving of any sort of mercy? Like paying him any mind should, <em>could </em>ever come before this gentle, brilliant man’s peace of mind? He clears his throat. “Apologies. Should we continue?”</p><p>Caleb sighs. And he sounds so utterly lost that Essek considers, for a moment, going back on his word, to indulge the undue indignance before him. He is, after all, quite selfish. But he doesn’t, and he tells himself: It’s for the best.</p><p>Caleb isn’t so kind, and his voice comes out with so much effort behind it. “Can you show me again?”</p><p>“...I don’t follow.”</p><p>“The somatic component! Your-... Do it again.”</p><p>“...Yours was perfect the first time-”</p><p>“Essek,” Caleb’s voice barely a whisper, “please.”</p><p>And his gaze is so intense, voice so full of sorrow, he feels he has no choice but to obey. Reluctant, confused, drow hands move along the trained patterns. Essek looks at him, looking for any insight on the other man’s motives. But Caleb’s sad eyes don’t look into his, following his movements instead.</p><p>Halfway through Essek can feel Caleb’s fingertips grazing his wrists. Essek slows down involuntarily as the fingers wrap around. Caleb still isn’t looking into his eyes. Essek stops.</p><p>It’s not an ungentle touch. Though to Essek, it feels heavier than a thousand suns. Just as warm, too.</p><p>“You are...incredible, you know that?” Essek’s ears twitch trying to catch that, so he leans in.</p><p>“Coming from you that’s certainly a praise I’ll take to heart.” He doesn’t mean to sound sarcastic, though he’s found he can hardly control it at times.</p><p>Caleb’s eyes finally meet his. “You are beautiful.”</p><p>And how is he supposed to answer that?</p><p>Caleb’s expression changes drastically like he just noticed what he said. He coughs and goes to move away, except slender gray hands now hold onto his cheeks before Essek has time to process what he’s doing.</p><p>He isn’t thinking. It’s a purely selfish act and he’s well aware, for all the good it did him. He doesn’t give himself time to doubt and question and overanalyse. How could he, when Caleb was moving away? How could he back down when he could feel Caleb’s ever present stubble at his fingertips and see eyes that mirrored his own urgency staring right back at him?</p><p>It was unacceptable and completely inevitable that he kissed him then. It was quick and simple. And then they kissed again, for longer, deeper. And then Essek was waving the books and inks away and they were on the table.</p><p>He still isn’t thinking but he also does not care. He’d get plenty of time to do that later, probably. Essek does think he may have learnt something new, though he can’t piece it together quite yet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading!! ^^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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